Exploring Re-Birth
Blessings everyone,
You will all be happy to know that I am much more cheerful this week. I feel like a brand-new woman. I am not sure why but my little journey down the lane of grief has left me feeling renewed and healed. I hope some of you took the time to read “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis and that if you did you found it as wonderful, touching or as useful as I did. I would love to hear about it if you did. Truly.
My heart this week has been on the mystery and wonder of rebirth. I was not raised in a Christian home nor am I Christian now in the true sense of the word. But I am a fervent believer in and of an ineffable and awesome Infinite and Eternal Something - call it what you will. I have always loved the resurrection analogy because I think that we each have the real possibility of awakening out of the illusion of being merely human, separate and apart from everything else, and stepping into the gorgeous awareness that we are MORE and that we do not walk alone in this human experience – which I mostly think is just a hot mess. And most importantly that we are as eternal as that which created us. I think the personalization of the rebirth story or the rising of the Phoenix is nothing more than remembering that we are Spirits!
I came to South Africa on April 1st. It was exactly 5-months post hip-replacement and stroke. And in hindsight I was not in my prime to say the least. I really needed the silence, comfort, and safety of the African Bush. I needed to rest and to heal. I was confused about the future and who I was, am or would be in all that I experienced and the consequences. I am really pretty happy to tell you that I believe that that part is complete. Today, on July 8th, something has shifted. I am surprised yet again by another rebirth. I feel strong. I feel enthusiastic, excited and quite ready to get back to it.
This presented itself in an interesting way this week. I have left Bush Baby Haven, just for a minute, and moved into a sweet place called Raptors Lodge. It is a little cottage in town, where I can live on my own, shop, eat, walk, talk and be quite a normal person for the first time in 6 months. I know that sounds weird, but at Bush Baby it was not possible to live independently without a car. Tanya, the proprietor of Bush Baby, has and continues to be an angel sent by God and is one of my favorite people in the entire world. But after 3-months in nature I have been feeling antsy and bored. So, this side-trip is extremely good for me. I am, of course, missing the plethora of animals at Bush Baby. But no worries, I will be returning in a week. And then we will see what my heart and soul need for my remaining 72 days in South Africa before returning home.
As an aside, I just binged the entire last season of “This Is Us” --- Geez Louise, how touching was that for those of you who are fans. It was kind of a carry-on of loss and grief for me – but as I said last week, I am not sure that the entire human journey isn’t one of loss, change and grief, and that we are required to embrace grief to find the joy and ecstasy. Avoiding the grief and sorrow just leads to suffering.
I have had many rebirths in my 7 decades in this body. For me it is the experience of life ending as I know it, of desolation and emotional destitution – and always there has been a rejuvenation. And once again I am humbled by the appearance of joy and grace. I am grateful.
More to come as I am also a work in progress. Good news, right? We never get it right or perfect. We just keep opening to what is happening in the moment. I still say of course – don’t delay your good. Time is ticking!
Enjoy the picture of Raptors Lodge, a wonderful dinner at Thirsty Giraffe. From here I will go to a place for 3 nights called Tshukudo Lodge and will have more amazing animal sightings I am sure.
Love, Denise
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